I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
