Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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