i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
