He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
