he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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