fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
