I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
