did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
