maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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