so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
