No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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