Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize