Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
