Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
