I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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