i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I love you. Go after that dick
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
