Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
