All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
