you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
