what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
