I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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