it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
