i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
