Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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