i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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