you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
