I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
