ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
