She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
