he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
