Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
