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i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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