I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
