So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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