From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
