New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
