The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
