I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
birth control should be required to get into college
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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