There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
