saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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