I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
