I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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