4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
