Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
