Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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