tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
