I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
