the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
