I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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