I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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