I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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