that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
foreskin is a definite game changer
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
