My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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