it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
