I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
