I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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