three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
