I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
