Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
