I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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