last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
