I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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